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Other miserable men, when they are thrown into prison, if they are robbed of the beauty of the world, are at least safe, in some measure, from the world’s most deadly slings, most awful arrows.[58.1] They can hide in the darkness of their cells, and of their very disgrace make a mode of sanctuary. The world, having had its will, goes its way, and they are left to suffer undisturbed. With me it has been different. Sorrow after sorrow has come beating at the prison doors in search of me[58a]. They have opened the gates wide and let them in. Hardly, if at all, have my friends been suffered to see me. But my enemies have had full access to me always. Twice in my public appearances at the Bankruptcy Court, twice again in my public transferences from one prison to another, have I been shown under conditions of unspeakable humiliation to the gaze and mockery of men. The messenger of Death has brought me his tidings and gone his way, and in entire solitude, and isolated from all that could give me comfort, or suggest relief, I have had to bear the intolerable burden of misery and remorse that the memory of my mother placed upon me, and places on me still. Hardly has that wound been dulled, not healed, by time, when violent and bitter and harsh letters come to me from my wife through her solicitor. I am, at once, taunted and threatened with poverty. That I can bear. I can school myself to worse than that. But my two children are taken from me by legal procedure.[58.2] That is and always will remain to me a source of infinite distress, of infinite pain, of grief without end or limit. That the law should decide, and take upon itself to decide, that I am one unfit to be with my own children is something quite horrible to me. The disgrace of prison is as nothing compared to it. I envy the other men who tread the yard along with me. I am sure that their children wait for them, look for their coming, will be sweet to them.
别人进监狱受苦，如果说被剥夺了人间美好的东西，他们至少还是安全的，从某种程度上说，世上最要命的明枪暗箭是够不着他们了。他们可以躲在牢房的黑暗中，耻辱本身就成了他们的一种避难所。世界遂心如意了，继续走它的路，他们就留在那里无人打搅地受着苦。而我就不同了。悲怆如潮，一阵一阵地敲打着层层牢门找我来[58a]。那些人把牢门洞开，让它涌进来。我的朋友，即使有的话，也很少能获准来看我。而我的敌人想来的话，却总是通行无阻。两次在破产法庭、又有两次在转监狱途中，我都在众目睽睽之下抛头露面，忍着说不出的奇耻大辱，任由世人嘲弄。死神的使者传达了他的消息之后，走了，我孑然一身，与世隔绝中有什么来安慰、来排解我的丧母之痛？思念母亲，悲哀和愧悔那难以忍受的重负我唯有一个人承担，我仍在承担。没等那伤痛因为光阴流转而减轻，更别说伤口愈合，我妻子便通过律师寄来了一封封气势汹汹的信。我这样同时受人以贫穷相激相逼。这个我挺得住。比这更糟的我都能咬咬牙挺过去。但我的两个孩子被法庭判走了。这是，也将永远是个令我无限沮丧、无限痛苦、无限悲伤的心结。法律竟会如此裁决，竟敢如此裁决，认为我不适合同亲生孩子在一起，这不禁令人毛骨悚然。牢狱之耻同这相比都算不了什么。我羡慕院里同我走步放风的人。他们的子女肯定在等着、盼着他们归来，而且会好好地待他们。
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