70
Of course I know that to ask for alms on the highway is not to be my lot, and that if ever I lie in the cool grass at night-time it will be to write sonnets to the Moon. When I go out of prison, Robbie will be waiting for me on the other side of the big iron-studded gate, and he is the symbol not merely of his own affection, but of the affection of many others besides. I believe I am to have enough to live on for about eighteen months at any rate, so that, if I may not write beautiful books, I may at least read beautiful books, and what joy can be greater? After that, I hope to be able to recreate my creative faculty. But were things different: had I not a friend left in the world: were there not a single house open to me even in pity: had I to accept the wallet and ragged cloak of sheer penury: still as long as I remained free from all resentment, hardness, and scorn, I would be able to face life with much more calm and confidence than I would were my body in purple and fine linen, and the soul within it sick with hate. And I shall really have no difficulty in forgiving you. But to make it a pleasure for me you must feel that you want it. When you really want it you will find it waiting for you.
当然我知道自己命中不会到大路边乞讨，如果当真躺在了冰凉的草地上过夜，那也是要给月亮写商籁诗。 出狱那天罗比会在大铁门的那边等我的，而他所象征的，不止是他一个人的关爱，还有其他好多人的呢。相信有一年半的时间我不管怎样还是不会饿肚子的。这样的话，即使没写出好书来，至少也可以读些好书。还有比这更令人愉快的事吗？之后我希望能重整我的创作能力。可要是事与愿违：要是在这世界上变得无亲无故，千家万户也无人同情无人接纳，我唯有破衣遮身沿门托钵；即使这样，只要胸不存块垒，不为怨恨和鄙夷所困，我便能满怀信心，泰然直面人生，远胜过锦缎加身，裹着一个为仇恨所苦的灵魂。要我宽恕你，真的是一点也不难。但要我因为宽恕你而快乐，首先你必须感到需要我的宽恕。当你真的想要时，会发现它在等着你。
70