HERBERT and I went on from bad to worse, in the way of increasing our debts, looking into our affairs, leaving Margins, and the like exemplary transactions; and Time went on, whether or no, as he has a way of doing; and I came of age - in fulfilment of Herbert's prediction, that I should do so before I knew where I was.
Herbert himself had come of age, eight months before me. As he had nothing else than his majority to come into, the event did not make a profound sensation in Barnard's Inn. But we had looked forward to my one-and-twentieth birthday, with a crowd of speculations and anticipations, for we had both considered that my guardian could hardly help saying something definite on that occasion.
I had taken care to have it well understood in Little Britain, when my birthday was. On the day before it, I received an official note from Wemmick, informing me that Mr Jaggers would be glad if I would call upon him at five in the afternoon of the auspicious day. This convinced us that something great was to happen, and threw me into an unusual flutter when I repaired to my guardian's office, a model of punctuality.
In the outer office Wemmick offered me his congratulations, and incidentally rubbed the side of his nose with a folded piece of tissuepaper that I liked the look of. But he said nothing respecting it, and motioned me with a nod into my guardian's room. It was November, and my guardian was standing before his fire leaning his back against the chimney-piece, with his hands under his coattails.
`Well, Pip,' said he, `I must call you Mr Pip to-day. Congratulations, Mr Pip.'
We shook hands - he was always a remarkably short shaker - and I thanked him.
`Take a chair, Mr Pip,' said my guardian.
As I sat down, and he preserved his attitude and bent his brows at his boots, I felt at a disadvantage, which reminded me of that old time when I had been put upon a tombstone. The two ghastly casts on the shelf were not far from him, and their expression was as if they were making a stupid apoplectic attempt to attend to the conversation.
`Now my young friend,' my guardian began, as if I were a witness in the box, `I am going to have a word or two with you.'
`If you please, sir.'
`What do you suppose,' said Mr Jaggers, bending forward to look at the ground, and then throwing his head back to look at the ceiling, `what do you suppose you are living at the rate of?'
`At the rate of, sir?'
`At,' repeated Mr Jaggers, still looking at the ceiling, `the - rate - of?' And then looked all round the room, and paused with his pocket-handkerchief in his hand, half way to his nose.
I had looked into my affairs so often, that I had thoroughly destroyed any slight notion I might ever have had of their bearings. Reluctantly, I confessed myself quite unable to answer the question. This reply seemed agreeable to Mr Jaggers, who said, `I thought so!' and blew his nose with an air of satisfaction.
`Now, I have asked you a question, my friend,' said Mr Jaggers. `Have you anything to ask me?'
`Of course it would be a great relief to me to ask you several questions, sir; but I remember your prohibition.'
`Ask one,' said Mr Jaggers.
`Is my benefactor to be made known to me to-day?'
`No. Ask another.'
`Is that confidence to be imparted to me soon?'
`Waive that, a moment,' said Mr Jaggers, `and ask another.'
I looked about me, but there appeared to be now no possible escape from the inquiry, `Have - I - anything to receive, sir?' On that, Mr Jaggers said, triumphantly, `I thought we should come to it!' and called to Wemmick to give him that piece of paper. Wemmick appeared, handed it in, and disappeared.
`Now, Mr Pip,' said Mr Jaggers, `attend, if you please. You have been drawing pretty freely here; your name occurs pretty often in Wemmick's cash-book; but you are in debt, of course?'
`I am afraid I must say yes, sir.'
`You know you must say yes; don't you?' said Mr Jaggers.
`Yes, sir.'
`I don't ask you what you owe, because you don't know; and if you did know, you wouldn't tell me; you would say less. Yes, yes, my friend,' cried Mr Jaggers, waving his forefinger to stop me, as I made a show of protesting: `it's likely enough that you think you wouldn't, but you would. You'll excuse me, but I know better than you. Now, take this piece of paper in your hand. You have got it? Very good. Now, unfold it and tell me what it is.'
`This is a bank-note,' said I, `for five hundred pounds.'
`That is a bank-note,' repeated Mr Jaggers, `for five hundred pounds. And a very handsome sum of money too, I think. You consider it so?'
`How could I do otherwise!'
`Ah! But answer the question,' said Mr Jaggers.
`Undoubtedly.'
`You consider it, undoubtedly, a handsome sum of money. Now, that handsome sum of money, Pip, is your own. It is a present to you on this day, in earnest of your expectations. And at the rate of that handsome sum of money per annum, and at no higher rate, you are to live until the donor of the whole appears. That is to say, you will now take your money affairs entirely into your own hands, and you will draw from Wemmick one hundred and twenty-five pounds per quarter, until you are in communication with the fountain-head, and no longer with the mere agent. As I have told you before, I am the mere agent. I execute my instructions, and I am paid for doing so. I think them injudicious, but I am not paid for giving any opinion on their merits.'
I was beginning to express my gratitude to my benefactor for the great liberality with which I was treated, when Mr Jaggers stopped me. `I am not paid, Pip,' said he, coolly, `to carry your words to any one;' and then gathered up his coat-tails, as he had gathered up the subject, and stood frowning at his boots as if he suspected them of designs against him.
After a pause, I hinted:
`There was a question just now, Mr Jaggers, which you desired me to waive for a moment. I hope I am doing nothing wrong in asking it again?'
`What is it?' said he.
I might have known that he would never help me out; but it took me aback to have to shape the question afresh, as if it were quite new. `Is it likely,' I said, after hesitating, `that my patron, the fountain-head you have spoken of, Mr Jaggers, will soon--' there I delicately stopped.
`Will soon what?' asked Mr Jaggers. `That's no question as it stands, you know.'
`Will soon come to London,' said I, after casting about for a precise form of words, `or summon me anywhere else?'
`Now here,' replied Mr Jaggers, fixing me for the first time with his dark deep-set eyes, `we must revert to the evening when we first encountered one another in your village. What did I tell you then, Pip?'
`You told me, Mr Jaggers, that it might be years hence when that person appeared.'
`Just so,' said Mr Jaggers; `that's my answer.'
As we looked full at one another, I felt my breath come quicker in my strong desire to get something out of him. And as I felt that it came quicker, and as I felt that he saw that it came quicker, I felt that I had less chance than ever of getting anything out of him.
`Do you suppose it will still be years hence, Mr Jaggers?'
Mr Jaggers shook his head - not in negativing the question, but in altogether negativing the notion that he could anyhow be got to answer it - and the two horrible casts of the twitched faces looked, when my eyes strayed up to them, as if they had come to a crisis in their suspended attention, and were going to sneeze.
`Come!' said Mr Jaggers, warming the backs of his legs with the backs of his warmed hands, `I'll be plain with you, my friend Pip. That's a question I must not be asked. You'll understand that, better, when I tell you it's a question that might compromise me. Come! I'll go a little further with you; I'll say something more.'
He bent down so low to frown at his boots, that he was able to rub the calves of his legs in the pause he made.
`When that person discloses,' said Mr Jaggers, straightening himself, `you and that person will settle your own affairs. When that person discloses, my part in this business will cease and determine. When that person discloses, it will not be necessary for me to know anything about it. And that's all I have got to say.'
We looked at one another until I withdrew my eyes, and looked thoughtfully at the floor. From this last speech I derived the notion that Miss Havisham, for some reason or no reason, had not taken him into her confidence as to her designing me for Estella; that he resented this, and felt a jealousy about it; or that he really did object to that scheme, and would have nothing to do with it. When I raised my eyes again, I found that he had been shrewdly looking at me all the time, and was doing so still.
`If that is all you have to say, sir,' I remarked, `there can be nothing left for me to say.'
He nodded assent, and pulled out his thief-dreaded watch, and asked me where I was going to dine? I replied at my own chambers, with Herbert. As a necessary sequence, I asked him if he would favour us with his company, and he promptly accepted the invitation. But he insisted on walking home with me, in order that I might make no extra preparation for him, and first he had a letter or two to write, and (of course) had his hands to wash. So, I said I would go into the outer office and talk to Wemmick.
The fact was, that when the five hundred pounds had come into my pocket, a thought had come into my head which had been often there before; and it appeared to me that Wemmick was a good person to advise with, concerning such thought.
He had already locked up his safe, and made preparations for going home. He had left his desk, brought out his two greasy office candlesticks and stood them in line with the snuffers on a slab near the door, ready to be extinguished; he had raked his fire low, put his hat and great-coat ready, and was beating himself all over the chest with his safe-key, as an athletic exercise after business.
`Mr Wemmick,' said I, `I want to ask your opinion. I am very desirous to serve a friend.'
Wemmick tightened his post-office and shook his head, as if his opinion were dead against any fatal weakness of that sort.
`This friend,' I pursued, `is trying to get on in commercial life, but has no money, and finds it difficult and disheartening to make a beginning. Now, I want somehow to help him to a beginning.'
`With money down?' said Wemmick, in a tone drier than any sawdust.
`With some money down,' I replied, for an uneasy remembrance shot across me of that symmetrical bundle of papers at home; `with some money down, and perhaps some anticipation of my expectations.'
`Mr Pip,' said Wemmick, `I should like just to run over with you on my fingers, if you please, the names of the various bridges up as high as Chelsea Reach. Let's see; there's London, one; Southwark, two; Blackfriars, three; Waterloo, four; Westminster, five; Vauxhall, six.' He had checked off each bridge in its turn, with the handle of his safe-key on the palm of his hand. `There's as many as six, you see, to choose from.'
`I don't understand you,' said I.
`Choose your bridge, Mr Pip,' returned Wemmick, `and take a walk upon your bridge, and pitch your money into the Thames over the centre arch of your bridge, and you know the end of it. Serve a friend with it, and you may know the end of it too - but it's a less pleasant and profitable end.'
I could have posted a newspaper in his mouth, he made it so wide after saying this.
`This is very discouraging,' said I.
`Meant to be so,' said Wemmick.
`Then is it your opinion,' I inquired, with some little indignation, `that a man should never--'
` - Invest portable property in a friend?' said Wemmick. `Certainly he should not. Unless he wants to get rid of the friend - and then it becomes a question how much portable property it may be worth to get rid of him.'
`And that,' said I, `is your deliberate opinion, Mr Wemmick?'
`That,' he returned, `is my deliberate opinion in this office.'
`Ah!' said I, pressing him, for I thought I saw him near a loophole here; `but would that be your opinion at Walworth?'
`Mr Pip,' he replied, with gravity, `Walworth is one place, and this office is another. Much as the Aged is one person, and Mr Jaggers is another. They must not be confounded together. My Walworth sentiments must be taken at Walworth; none but my official sentiments can be taken in this office.'
`Very well,' said I, much relieved, `then I shall look you up at Walworth, you may depend upon it.'
`Mr Pip,' he returned, `you will be welcome there, in a private and personal capacity.'
We had held this conversation in a low voice, well knowing my guardian's ears to be the sharpest of the sharp. As he now appeared in his doorway, towelling his hands, Wemmick got on his greatcoat and stood by to snuff out the candles. We all three went into the street together, and from the door-step Wemmick turned his way, and Mr Jaggers and I turned ours.
I could not help wishing more than once that evening, that Mr Jaggers had had an Aged in Gerrard-street, or a Stinger, or a Something, or a Somebody, to unbend his brows a little. It was an uncomfortable consideration on a twenty-first birthday, that coming of age at all seemed hardly worth while in such a guarded and suspicious world as he made of it. He was a thousand times better informed and cleverer than Wemmick, and yet I would a thousand times rather have had Wemmick to dinner. And Mr Jaggers made not me alone intensely melancholy, because, after he was gone, Herbert said of himself, with his eyes fixed on the fire, that he thought he must have committed a felony and forgotten the details of it, he felt so dejected and guilty.
赫伯特和我的情况正江河日下，越发不可收拾。尽管我们检查账目、留有余地，并采取了其他一切措施，可债务却越发增加了。时间不断流逝，不会停下来等人，霎时我进入了成年，这正应验了赫伯特的预言，我虽进入了成年，但怎么进入的却一无所知。
赫伯特比我早八个月进入成年。他默默地进入成年，没有大操大办，在巴纳德旅馆也没有引起注意和轰动。而我的二十一岁生日却是我们一直在盼望着的，我们有一大堆奇想和预测，都认为我的监护人在那一天一定会把事情说个水落石出。
我早就小心翼翼地事先在小不列颠街放风，说我哪一天过生日。在生日的前一天，温米克寄给我一份正式通知，告诉我贾格斯先生一定会愉快地接待我，如果我在吉祥如意的生日那一天下午五时去访问他，仅此就表明会有重要的事情发生，因而我坐立不安，心头乱跳地按时到达了我监护人的办公室，这次可谓遵守时间的模范了。
在外间办公室，温米克向我祝贺，并且用一张叠着的薄纸无意地擦了擦鼻子。见到这张纸的样子我很高兴，但是他对此什么也没有说，只是点了点头，示意我到我的监护人房间去。正值十一月，我的监护人站在壁炉前面，脊背倚靠在炉架上，两只手背在身后，抄在上衣的燕尾摆之中。
“皮普，你好，”他说道，“今天我该称呼你皮普先生了。皮普先生，向你祝贺。”
我们握着手（他一向握手时间很短），我向他表示了谢意。
“皮普先生，坐吧。”我的监护人说道。
我坐下来。他还是保持原有姿态，低着头看脚上的皮靴。我感到情况有些不妙，这使我忆起了多少年前我被接在墓碑上的情景。书架上那两个可怕的头像就离他不远，他们的表情仿佛想要听我们之间的谈话，结果却得了中风，一副傻乎乎的样子。
“我的年轻朋友，”我的监护人对我说道，那样子好像把我当成了法庭证人席上的证人，“现在我有几句话对你说。”
“先生，你说吧。”
“你猜猜看，”贾格斯先生俯身看着地上，然后又把头抬起来举目望着天花板，对我说道，“你猜猜你用钱的速度究竟是多少？”
“先生，用钱的速度？”
贾格斯先生眼睛继续望着天花板，重复问道：“用——钱——的——速——度？”然后他扫视着整个房间，把手帕向鼻子上捂去，但还没有碰到鼻子，手又停了下来。
虽说我经常检查自己的账目，可是这一检查完全使我对自己的账目一无所知，根本说不出来。于是，我只有不情愿地承认对这个问题无法回答。我的这一回答似乎使贾格斯先生很高兴，他说道：“我知道你答不出！”然后很满意地擤了擤他的鼻子。
贾格斯先生接着又说道：“现在我已经向你提出一个问题，我的朋友，那么你有什么问题要问我吗？”
“先生，我如果能向你提出几个问题，当然，对我来说是一种莫大的安慰。不过，我不能违背你的禁令。”
“你先问一个看看。”贾格斯先生说道。
“今天你能否告诉我，谁是我的恩主？”
“不能。再问第二个。”
“这一个秘密我会很快知道吗？”
“目前不要问这个问题，”贾格斯先生说道，“问别的问题。”
我四周望了一下，认为有一个问题是无法再回避了。“我——有什么礼物吗，先生？”贾格斯先生听到我提这个问题，像得了胜仗似的说道：“我知道你会问到这个问题！”然后，他叫温米克把那张纸拿过来。温米克走进来，把纸递给他，又走了出去。
“皮普先生，现在你得注意听，”贾格斯先生说道，“你在这里取款是很随便的；在温米克的账本上时常有你的名字。当然，你一定还欠了债，是吗？”
“先生，我恐怕是欠了债。”
“是欠债就必须干脆讲欠债，你欠没欠债？”贾格斯先生说道。
“是欠了债，先生。”
“我没有问你欠了多少，因为你自己也不知道欠了多少；即使你知道，你也不会老实告诉我，会少讲些。好了，好了，我的朋友，”贾格斯先生看到我正想为自己辩解，便用食指一挥止住了我，大声说道，“你可能要说你是不会这样的，可是，你就是会这样。对不起得很，我知道得比你更清楚。好吧，把这张纸拿在手上，你拿好了吗？很好。那么，你把纸打开，告诉我这是什么。”
“这是一张五百镑的钞票。”我说道。
“这是一张五百镑的钞票，”贾格斯先生重复说道，“是一笔很不小的款项吧，我想，你对此有什么想法，是或不是？”
“我看我没有不同的想法。”
“噢！你要正面回答这个问题。”贾格斯先生说道。
“当然是。”
“你想这当然是一笔不小的款项，好了，皮普，这笔不小的款项就是你的了。这也是今天你生日的礼物，也是你继承财产的开始。这就是说，每年你可以按这一不小的款项提款，不能超过这笔数字。你按照这笔数字安排生活，等到你的恩主出现再说。以后，关于钱的事务完全由你自己处置，每个季度你到温米克那里去支一百二十五镑，直到你和财源恩主直接对话，再不需要由我做代理人为止。我早就说过，我是有偿办事，谁付我钱，我为谁办事，履行我的职责。尽管我认为他们的做法是不明智的，但是，人家出钱不是买我的意见的。”
我正想表示对恩主的感谢，因为他如此大恩大德地待我，而贾格斯先生就在这时止住了我的讲话，并冷冷地对我说：“皮普，我拿人家的钱不是给你传话的。”然后，他把上衣的燕尾摆放开，同时也丢开了这个主题不谈，站在那里紧锁眉头看着他的皮靴，仿佛正在怀疑皮靴和他有什么过不去似的。
过了一会儿，我提醒道：
“贾格斯先生，刚才我提出一个问题，你要我暂时不要问；我要是现在再提出来，我想这没有什么不对吧？”
“什么问题？”他问道。
我早该知道他是不会帮我的；但是，要把那个问题作为一个新问题重说一遍，我却感到胆怯了，仿佛那真是一个全新的问题、迟疑了片刻，我才说道：“贾格斯先生，我的恩主，就是你刚才提到的财源恩主，是不是就——”说到这里，我为难地停住了，再也说不下去。
“是不是就什么？”贾格斯先生问道，“你知道，这样吞吞吐吐，别人是无法知道是什么问题的。”
“是不是就要来到伦敦？”我把措词安排得准确一些后说道，“还是会在什么地方叫我去一次？”
“听着，”贾格斯先生这时第一次用他那深陷在眼窝里的黑眼珠盯住我，答道，“我们先必须回顾一下我们第一次在你住的村子里相遇时的情况。皮普，那时我对你讲过什么了？”
“贾格斯先生，你告诉我，那个人或许几年后才能出现。”
“是这样，”贾格斯先生说道，“这也就是我的回答。”
我们相互望了好一会儿，我心中非常希望从他那里知道一点儿消息，因而紧张得呼吸急促起来。不但我自己感到呼吸急促，其实他也看了出来。我想，看来没有机会从他那里打听出什么消息了。
“贾格斯先生，你认为还要等上几年吗？”
贾格斯先生摇着脑袋，这并不代表否定的回答，而是代表他绝不能回答这种问题。我的眼光扫视到架子上的两个头像时，这两个可怕的头像正斜过面孔来倾听着，仿佛它们也听得悬疑不安，真想打喷嚏了！
“那么这样吧！”贾格斯先生用他暖和的手背抚擦着他的两条小腿肚子，要使之也暖和起来，说道，“我们坦诚相见，皮普，我的朋友，你不能问我这个问题。你应当明白，更该知道，要是我答复了这个问题，就可能损坏我的名誉，要连累上我。既然如此，我再讲明白些，再多说几句。”
他低着脑袋，紧锁眉头望着自己的皮靴子。就在这个时刻他还擦了一擦他的腿肚子。
贾格斯先生把身子直了一下，说道：“只要那个人一出面，你就得自己和他处理一切事务了；只要那个人一出面，我的任务便告一段落，我和此事的关系便了结了；只要那个人一出面，我就没有必要再知道你们的事了。这就是我所要说的全部。”
我们相互看着，最后我移开了眼光，深有所思地望着地板。我细细回味着他刚才所讲的话，悟出下面的道理：郝维仙小姐一定为了某种理由，或者根本没有理由地对他信不过，便没有告诉他有关我和埃斯苔娜的婚姻大事的安排，于是他便怀恨在心，心存妒忌；或者，他根本就反对这项计划，而不愿意干预。我想着便把眼皮抬起，发现他一直目光敏锐地望着我，而现在仍然在望着我。
“先生，你如果说完了你必须说的话，我也就没有什么可以说的了。”我答道。
他点头赞成我的话，然后掏出那只连小偷见了也胆战心惊的表，问我准备到哪里去吃饭，我告诉他我和赫伯特在自己的住地吃饭，并且顺便客套一下，说只要他有此好意，愿请他一起用膳。他很快便接受了这一邀请，不过，坚持要和我一起步行前去，为了不使我为他额外开销；另外，他还得写好一两封信，当然还得等他洗手。于是，我告诉他我先到外屋去和温米克谈谈。
情况是这样：五百镑钞票已进入我的口袋，现在我想到了一个问题，也是我早就想到过的一个问题，所以打算去问问温米克，因为他是一个很会出主意想办法的人。
这时他已经锁上了保险箱，正准备关门回家。他已经离开了办公桌，把一对油腻腻的烛台搬到门外，并且把它们和剪烛芯的剪刀一起放在门口的石板上，准备剪灭烛光。他把炉火也已封好，又准备好了帽子和大衣，正用他那保险箱的钥匙在自己的胸口拍击着，好像他正在做一种工余体操。
“温米克先生，”我说道，“有件事我想请你参谋一下。我极其想为一个朋友做点事。”
温米克把他那张邮筒口式的嘴抿得紧紧的，摇着头，意思仿佛是说像我这种说话的方式简直是致命弱点，他是坚决反对的。
我继续说道：“这位朋友正打算开始他的商业贸易活动，但他手头没有钱，所以，一开始他就遇上困难，而巨有点灰心失望。我现在想帮他忙，先让他起动起来。”
“把你的钱投放给他？”温米克用一种比干木屑还要无味的语调说道。
“投放进一部分钱，”我答道，不过很不安地想到家里放着好几捆扎得整齐均匀的账单，“投放进一部分钱，看来也许要投放进一部分遗产。”
“皮普先生，”温米克说道，“你要是高兴，让我来用指头一个一个地数几座桥给你听听。从这里直到切尔西区有好几座桥：第一座是伦敦桥，第二座是索斯沃克桥，第三座是黑修道土桥，第四座是滑铁卢桥，第五座是西敏寺桥，第六座是沃克斯浩桥。”数一座桥，他便用放在手心中的保险箱钥匙的柄板一个手指。“看，这里有六座桥供你选择。”
“你说的意思我还不懂。”我说道。
“皮普先生，你去选择一座桥，”温米克答道，“到这座桥上去走走。你在桥的中央把钱投进泰晤士河，结果会怎样，你自己一定明白。你把钱用来帮助朋友，结果会怎样，你自己也一定明白，而且会比投进水里更加使你不高兴，更加对你无益。”
说完，他那邮筒口式的嘴巴张得大大的，我完全可以投进一张报纸去。
“你的话太使人失望了。”我说道。
“本来就是这意思。”温米克答道。
“那么，这就是你的意见了，”我带些愤愤不平地问道，“就是说一个人决不——”
“该把动产投给朋友？”温米克把我的问话补充完毕，随后又答道：
“确确实实不该，除非他准备甩掉这个朋友。不过为了甩掉这个朋友，也得考虑一下该花多少钱才值得。”
我说道：“那么，温米克先生，这是不是你经过考虑后的意见呢？”
他答道：“这是我在事务所里经过考虑后的意见。”
“噢！”我想我发现了他这话中包含着另一种可能的见解，便追问道，“如果你在伍尔华斯也会发表这种意见吗？”
“皮普先生，”他认真严肃地对我说，“伍尔华斯是伍尔华斯，事务所是事务所，就好像我那位老人家是一种人，而贾格斯先生是另一种人，两者不能混合在一起。我在伍尔华斯有伍尔华斯的想法，在事务所只能有事务所的见解。”
“太棒了，”我心情宽松不少，说道，“那么我会到伍尔华斯去拜访你，我一定去伍尔华斯。”
“皮普先生，”他答道，“你以私人和个人的身份来看我，我非常欢迎。”
我们两人用很低的声音交谈着，因为我们都知道我的监护人的耳朵比谁都尖，当他出现在门口用毛巾擦着手时，温米克穿上了他的大衣，站在一旁剪掉烛心，熄了烛光。我们三人一起上路，在事务所门口，温米克上了他的路，贾格斯先生和我也转向我们的路。就在当天晚上我不止一次地在想，如果贾格斯先生在他的吉拉德街也有一个老人家，或者也有一门大炮，或者也有个什么人，使他舒展眉眼，那会增添不少快意。
我二十一岁成年生日的一天，心情很不舒畅，因为我还是在严格的监视之下，生活于疑云四起的世界之中，这是很不值得的。比起温米克来，贾格斯先生的信息要多一千倍，也要聪明一千倍；可是比起请贾格斯先生吃饭来，我一千倍地更加希望请温米克吃饭。这天，贾格斯先生使我感到孤独、忧郁，而且在他走后，赫伯特也直瞪瞪地望着火炉，叹息他一定是犯下了什么不赦之罪，可忘记了犯罪的内容，所以垂头丧气，愧疚不已。